i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
