my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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