I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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