New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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