If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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