i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
