My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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