when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
