Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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