Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
operation harelip BJ is a go
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
