If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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