smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
