And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
