Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
