someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
