the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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