Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
