there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
