drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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