I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
