I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
