Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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