i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
