i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
