you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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