it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
