i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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