i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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