This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
