Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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