I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
where are my eyebrows?
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