so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
