would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
