I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
