i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
