I wish I could punch you in the face.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
