I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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