I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
