If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
