You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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