shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
