is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
