All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
