I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
