FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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