Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you win again, gameday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
