I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
