They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
