Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
