You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
