Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
